Father's Day this year will be very different from those in the past. This year my father will not be around to celebrate it with us. As I type this, my nose has this really sour feeling. I am not sure if you know what I mean. But I think it is a form of control that causes my body to try and curb the emotion from pouring out.
I didn't realise it has been so long since my father went to heaven. By tomorrow, it will be 8 months. Time flies by. You will never know the vast amount of guilt that I feel. I know that I will never be able to forgive myself. Never ever. I did not speak to him on the morning he passed away. I just looked at him and thought" I can speak to him later. I am feeling damn sleepy." Guess what? I NEVER got the chance again. I was ASLEEP when he passed away. How does that make me feel? ANGRY? Yes, definitely. At both him and myself. How come he couldn't wait and how come he didn't tell us that he was going? How come I wasn't awake? How come?
Unanswered questions. I really hope and believe that there is afterlife. Then I can go ask him.
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