The Show

I am just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, love is a riddle.
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone, I've tried and I don't know why.

Slow it down, make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop.
Coz it's too much, yea it's a lot
To be something I'm not.

I'm a fool out of love
Coz I just can't get enough

I am just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, love is a riddle.
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone, I've tried and I don't know why.

I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show.

The sun is hot in the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs
And synchronise in time
It's a joke, nobody knows they got a ticket to the show.

I am just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, love is a riddle.
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone, I've tried and I don't know why.

I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show.

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show.

Turning Twenteen :)

Whoever thought that turning twenty would give you a new perspective is lying.

Though I must say that this has been a brilliant year. All I have experienced has made me more mature, more understanding and more forgiving.

Mature. I guess I see things in a different light. It has made me happier than I used to be. Though I have been enlightened that I am still one of the most childish people around. Haha.

Understanding. Though I will never understand some people's intentions, I guess I can't understand everything. Somehow, I am like contradicting myself.

Forgive and forget. That seems like one of those stupid cliches that fail to make any sense. It makes a bit of sense now.

And I know that no matter what, there will always be my family and my closest friends whom I can rely on. At least I have that. I think I am finally satisfied. Everything else that will come would just be an added incentive.

I am finally going to be a grown-up. Haha.

Dreaming

Recently, all I have wanted to do is sleep and dream.

Love Lockdown

I'm not loving you, the way I wanted to

What I had to do, had to run from you

I'm in love with you, but the vibe is wrong

And that haunted me, all the way home

So ya never know, never never know

Never know enough, til it's over love
Till we lose control, system overload
Screamin no, no, no, no, no
I aint lovin you, the way I wanted to
See I wanna move, but can't escape from you
So I keep it low, keep a secret code
So everybody else don't have to know

So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down
So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down
So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down
You keep ya love locked down, you lose

I'm not lovin you, the way I wanted to
I can't keep my cool, so I keep it true
I got somethin to lose, so I gotta move
I can't keep myself, and still keep you too
So I keep in mind, when I'm on my own
Somewhere far from home, In the danger zone
How many times did I take till I finally got through
You lose, you lose
I ain't lovin you, the way I wanted to
See I had to go, see I had to move
No more wastin time, we can't wait for life
We're juz wastin time, where's the finish line

So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down
So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down
So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down
You keep ya love locked down, you lose

I'm not lovin you, the way I wanted to
I met no one new, I got no one new
No I said I'm through, but got love for you
But I'm not lovin you, the way I wanted to
Gotta keep it going, keep the lovin going
Keep it on a roll, only god knows
Am I into you, baby I'm confused
You choose, you choose
I ain't lovin you, the way I wanted to
Way I got to go, I don't need you
I been down this road, too many times before
I am not lovin you, the way I wanted to

So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down
Keepin ya love locked down, ya love locked down
Keepin ya love locked down, ya love locked down
Keepin ya love locked down, you lose
So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down
Keepin ya love locked down, ya love locked down
If you keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down
Keepin ya love locked down, you lose

I wish you

I wish you the same kind of happiness I have found. Sincerely. 

Great memories

Guy 1: You want to take MS? Do my prof. Her name is Ms. Blah Blah

Guy 2: Huh? You want me to do your prof!?!?!?

The rest of us: Muahahahah

Guy1: That's not what I meant. Do it with my prof!

Guy 2: Huh? What? You want me to do it with your prof!?!?!?

Guy 1: Argh. Do it under my prof!

Guy 2: Huh?!? Do it under your prof?!?! Hahahha

Ok, that basically sums up the last meeting with my m-p-w group. Hhahaha. 

Funny funny. (:

It's not gonna work out

It's not gonna work out. I just know it, we are from two different worlds. I am so sorry. 

Playing the games with the hunter

I love my m-p-w group!

 Can't believe that it is possible to love a group that is pre-assigned! It's just so sad that it's week 13 and i can't see them anymore. But hey, we will be going out tog after the exams! Hahaha.

Thank you to all who made it possible. Thank you for all you have done to make it possible for me to meet my new friends. I am really grateful!

Thank you Prof too!!! You had great vision for putting the eight of us together. 

C-heryl-Hi-eu-I-brah-im-Li-shan-Li-jun-Li-wan-Ian-As-lam

(:

Let go

Dwelling in the past just makes one miserable. 

I have already moved on.

A Historic Moment

I am part of a historic moment. Senator Barack Obama, whom I have supported since the winter 21 months ago, is now the President of the United States of America.

Change we can believe in. 

Just like a star

Just like a star across my sky

Just like an angel off the page

You have appeared to my life

Feel like it will never be the same

Just like a song in my heart

Just like oil on my hands

Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is

I don't argue like this

With anyone but you

We do it all the time

Blowing out my mind

You got this look I can't describe

You make me feel I'm alive

When everything else is au fait

Without a doubt you are on my side

Heaven has been away too long

Can't find the words to write this song

Oh, your love

Still I wonder why it is

I don't argue like this

With anyone but you

We do it all the time

Blowing out my mind

Now I've come to understand the way it is

It's not a secret anymore

Cause we've been through that before

From tonight, I know that you're the only one

I've been confused and in the dark

Now I understand

I wonder why it is

I don't argue like this

With anyone but you

I wonder why it is

I won't let my guard down

For anyone but you

We do it all the time

Blowing out my mind

Just like a star across my sky

Just like an angel off the page

You have appeared to my life

Feel like I'll never be the same

Just like a song in my heart

Just like oil on my hands

A world without love

Please lock me away
And don't allow the day here inside
Where I hide with my loneliness

I don't care what they say,
I won't stay in a world without love

Birds sing out of tune
And raindrops hide the moon
I'm ok, here I'll stay
With my loneliness

I don't care what they say,
I won't stay in a world without love

So I wait and in a while
I will see my true love smile, yeah
He may come, I know not when
But when he does I'll know
So baby until then, lock me away
And don't allow the day here inside
Where I hide with my loneliness

I don't care what they say,
I won't stay in a world without love

I still believe

I still believe that it was not a sham.

"你对我的冷漠，仍然毁不了当初的美好.

你可曾体会我的感受.

无所谓，那是我们遗失的美好."

This random quote just sums it all up.

Shameless

You are shameless. I apologise for being so explicit. What goes around comes around. HAHAHAHAHA. Karma. You should have thought of that before doing what you did.

To the three of you:

1. Getting snubbed will soon become your cup of tea.
2. I will never forget what I have done for you, and what your other friend has done for you. You are beyond help. And you know what I am talking about. Distortion of facts. HA.
3. I know your secrets. About him. I just didn't stoop so low to let it all out.

You guys just wait.

See the day

When you look at me, tell me what you see
Do you see no love at all?
Or do you see in me
What you always see
In every girl that you fall for?

I will show you how love is meant to be
Just watch and learn and listen to me

Will you ever see the day?
Heartache leads astray
Good love will always come from me
Will you ever learn to love?
Without a little doubt?
Good love will always come from me

When you look away
Is it mean to say
That she haunts you night and day
And does it hurt your heart when I say let's start
To heal the part that has been torn

Don't you see that I am really worth the try
And I say to you, I know just what to do

Will you ever see the day?
Heartache leads astray
Good love will always come from me
Will you ever learn to love?
Without a little doubt?
Good love will always come from me

Accounting

Debit Stupidity (Liability)
Credit Conscience (Asset)

This is getting really profound.

1+1+1

It's seriously hilarious. The ages of the three of them combined is even older than the retirement age. And they behave like a bunch of pre-schoolers. OK, I think I just insulted the pre-schoolers.

For goodness sake, our little island is so small. Haven't you heard? Even in the vast ocean, two ships can collide into each other!! So, what is the point? Going all the way out to avoid, to pretend anyone's existence just proves that you have done something your conscience doesn't want to account for.

They say all roads lead to Rome. On the way to Rome, we might just meet on the same road though there might be an infinite number of ways to get there. What makes you so sure that you can just observe the gravel on the road and pretend I didn't exist?

Oh, something else that totally bemused me: the F1 night race has caused some people to become confused about the stop they get off at. HAHAHAHAHHAHA.

Terms of Endearment

I spend all my friday nights bawling my eyes out, crying over old and antique movies like Kramer vs Kramer and Terms of Endearment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl-wDvRM3fs&feature=related

Kramer vs Kramer

That has to be the best movie. It is even better than The Dark Knight.

I am starting over

I am starting over.
Get over all the pain inflicted.

Maybe one day you will see.
And then you will cry.

Death

I could literally die from a broken heart.

Friendship

I guess I just wanted to avoid it. After such a long and gruelling time, I have discovered a revelation regarding friendship-it means so little to some people.

If it hurts so much and it makes you angry and disappointed, it means something. It means that you gave your all, ignored their flaws, laughed their meaness away and treated them like how you would want others to treat yourself.

I didn't need any reciprocation, never expected any.

Happy Happy

Colin gave me his number!!! WOO-HOO!!! What a joyous occasion!!! OMG OMG OMG!!!

Hahahahhaahhahah.

Colin

Dear Colin

You can't help being hot, can you? :)

The Appalling Lack of Conscience

Hard to describe.

I know him by heart

There's a secret path I follow
To a place no one can find
Where I meet my perfect someone
I've kept hidden in my mind
Where my heart makes my decisions
'Till my dream becomes a vision
And the love I feel Makes him real someday

'Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

Am I living in an illusion?
Wanting something I can't see
If I compromise, I'd be living lies
Pretending love's not meant to be
'Cause I know my heart's worth saving
And I know that he'll be waiting
So I'll hold on and I'll stay strong 'till then

'Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

Found it

I found it. After many many attempts.

It really is quite interesting how you can tell how a person is just from his blog.

Not for me.

Making me sad

I think I am the kind of person who doesn't make friends (like real ones) easily. And I shake off many after a while for one reason or another.

This is making me sad. I read so much stuff which I am sure she didn't intend for my eyes. Boy, I feel so bloody depressed. I feel so sick.

You Jealous Bitch

Do you really have to be such a jealous bitch? Having a conversation with you sometimes makes me feel nauseous.

I feel insanely sad for you. Do you have to be like that? Does it make you feel better by using such caustic words?

I am really glad I have only been friends with you for less than a year. Your existence kinda leaves me bewildered.

It's that easy

It really takes time to know someone.

I figure that you have the sensitivity of a haemorrhoid. Sometimes, I wonder how come I took so long to realise that you are not as nice as I first thought you were. You can't seem to show genuine concern for anyone as well. That about sums up what I think of you.

This sounds so childish but I don't think I want to be friends with you anymore.

Further and further

It's quite sad, isn't it?

HA! Idiot!

I am an extremely sensitive person and most of the time my obesrvations are correct. Oh, to add on, my intuition is a really accurate compass.

So, if you are guilty of being mean to me or doing things behind my back, please be more discreet. It's getting pretty obvious.

A quote for someone

I saw this quote from a show about criminals with twisted minds. They have excellent quotes. This one is for HSY.

Author Christian Nestell Bovee once wrote, "No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities."

It is true, isn't it? Haha.

For you a thousand times over

I just finished The Kite Runner.

I wish people don't try and overwhelm me with religion. Anyway, what comes around goes back around.

You need a wake up call

Hahahahahhahaha. You need a wake up call. I won't do it. I am too NICE.

Need a wake up call

I loathe thinking of where I could be. I still think my destiny lies there.

Stupid idiots

GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I don't know what to sayyyyyyyyyy.

Yucks, I hate Ke*****.

Realize

But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
if we missed out on each other now

It's not always the same
no it's never the same
If you don't feel it too
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you

Vast Difference

The difference between us is wider than an ocean.

Very very sad

I am very sad.

That is totally an understatement.

My stuffed dog

I am bloody pissed. My mother threw away my stuffed dog. I must be mentally unbalanced. It was my 18 year old stuffed dog. Give me back my stuffed dog. I am going to start wailing soon.

And today, XJ said I have this confident air around me. Haha. I shall take that as a compliment. I am going to kill JK for saying it's a complex question. Haha.

And I think Mr AJ should learn to take comments in his stride. It is extremely irritating when he asks me for comments and stuff that he can improve on, then argue with me on why he wrote it like that. If you are so defensive, you shouldn't have asked me at all. I really cannot get it.

Vehicle

I feel embarrassed by my previous post. Coz I sound like a desperate thing.

Anyway, HSY, you vehicle!!! Hahaha, mentioning you here was not an empty threat. And you better tell your friend in the troupe!!!

A one-seater car

I let my mind run wild when I have so many things to do but can't be bothered to start on any.

Down and out. I let go. No reason. I just did.

He called me. I was sitting right beside him. And he called me twice. I wasn't in the best of moods. And he cared. No one else noticed. But he did.

To the one who called- Thank you. You have given me decent memories. I am sorry I made you cry. :(

To the one who doesn't know- It really depends. I am just so afraid you will be so high up that I can't and will never reach you. (This has been proven on 6 April)

I could just hook up with any random stalker. Just kidding. I don't see the need to. And their pick-up lines suck. Example: I saw you from a distance and I just had to come and say hi. HAHAHA. What a ghastly joke.

Let it be

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

Just so you know (but you don't)

And I dont know how to be fine
When I'm not
Cause I don't know
How to make the feelings stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I wont sit around
I can't let them win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know

HEHE. But you don't. And I didn't say anything. Here I am, sounding like a desperate freak again.

Barca

Even though we just lost to Valencia 3-2, I felt like as if we had won the match. They were bloody defending in numbers. There was like 10 people defending at one time. Valencia is an extremely gross team.

Ignored

I can't stand being ignored. Whether it's on MSN or wherever. If you can't talk, say it. Don't leave the conversation hanging in mid air. I try my best to talk even when I am busy. It seems like nobody else can do the same for me. Yea, it's my responsibility to listen to what you have to say but not yours. Sorry, I don't have the obligation to do that. It's bloody irritating when I don't get any response after like half an hour. That pisses me off like crazy. I think I should do the same back. So, if you get that response from me, or rather the lack of response, just shut up.

Miss you

It took so long for me to realise that I like you. I used to think I hate you. And I think the hatred was mutual. Everyone could sense it. Though there was no rational reason for us to hate each other. We don't even know each other personally for goodness sake.

Now that you are far away, I miss you like crazy.

I sound like a desperate freak.

Not a big deal

And yes, I am ok. I will make it through, in pieces or in one piece.

Disillusioned

Yup, there is no need to tell her. Just tell us. Coz she gets the information first hand from you? And yes, I am still bitter about losing out on the S-A-bloody-G-E post.

I am tired.
Tired of everything.
Tired of the pretences that I have to put on.
Tired of the fact that I can't seem to excel no matter how hard I try.
Tired of having to spend time getting into your good books.
Tired of not acting like a slut like her.
Tired of being normal.
Tired of not having a hidden agenda.
Tired of not being a hypocrite.
Tired of the way the world spins.

I am no attention seeker but once I become invisible, it gets to me. Gets to me hard.

I think I need to do some soul searching to find out whether I am responsible for my own demise.

Recently, I have been wanting to cry. But the tears, they don't fall out. I am not sure whether I am holding them in, or that they have run dry. Or maybe, crying over something like results and the pain I am enduring to make it through just makes me more despisable. Yea, I cannot cry. I should cry over death, not torture.

High time

I think it's high time I do something about everything. What's the point when I sit and brood about not having this and not having that? And looking envious. What's the bloody point?

Oh my, the amount of work I have is going to make me go bonkers. And here I am, not doing any work AGAIN.

Even "SHY-bloody-boi" seems to be having a more meaningful life. YUCKS.

Well

Some people are just full of hope. I am not saying that it is wrong to be full of hope but it is a self-indulgent behaviour. I am hopeful from time to time but I do not live on hope all the time. Let's be realistic. Most of the time, hope and luck is not going to get us anywhere in life.

Well, I finished my biz law presentation today. YEA!!! It seems that we are the best group so far. :) And I like my group. QH, M arcus, W esley, D esmond and C heryl are all very nice people to work with. OK, I have already known all along that QH is good to work with coz I have already done a project with her and she is from DHS. And surprisingly, the guys do their work. Now, for the bloody report that we have to hand up next week. Yucks.

Selfish

Being selfish is probably innate. I know everybody is busy and has their own work but well, nothing is ever going to get done if nobody cares. Enough said.

They Did it Again

They did it again. I am sure of it. They did it again.

When will I wake up from my fantasy? I think NOW.

Thank you all for waking me up. I appreciate it. Though your insincerity is heartfelt.

Comes to no good

My life is damn boring. Busy but boring. Never thought these two words could combine to form this extremely apt phrase to describe my life.

This sucks

I hate doing work and not given due credit for the work I have done. I hate people who make use of me to do work and then find out that I was doing some kind of free labour. I hate feeling unappreciated. I hate being treated like a second class citizen. I hate people who put on a front to mislead other people into believing it. I am full of newfound hatred.

If I ever get to talk to you truthfully, I will tell you that you are the source of all my newfound hatred. I really don't appreciate you making use of me (us) to do your work. Especially when I thought that I had to do it. I really put in a whole lot of effort to look up the things that you wanted. When I couldn't find the information you wanted, I looked for the next best alternative. And when I submitted it, you couldn't appreciate my effort, could you? You think she is the best, the one doing all the work, but please open your eyes. They are glued shut. And don't be rude to me. I can't stand it. What position are you in to be rude to me? The age gap of three years? Bloody ridiculous.

I really hate putting on a front. I really do.

Things

I think my Biz Law prof talks crap. Like who the hell can talk about spitting for more than one hour in a Biz Law class. Totally want to HIT her.

Too much work, too little time, too much slacking, too little people doing work, too many people not doing work. Ben is a stupid thing. OK, anyone who irritates me will be relegated to nothing more than a thing.

I poison with my words. Maybe I should call Raf a thing too if he continues to irritate me. HAHAHA.

Morning Blues

I have caught the "reach school early" syndrome from SY. I reached school at 0754 and my prof only arrived at 0820.

And a nice (but not so good-looking) guy in my class helped me open the bloody seminar room door as my hands were full.

This morning, I met my caucasian neighbour who was taking a stroll with her baby in a pram. And I kinda realised that this was my ideal kind of life. Not the career woman path. OK, I am being too idealistic.

Time to sleep with my eyes wide open for stats. And did I mention, I sit alone in stats coz I don't have any friends?

Stop it

Please. Stop speaking me to like we are attached. WE ARE NOT. It is disgusting.

There is no relationship. And don't feel hurt. You are getting on my nerves.

As if Life wasn't hard enough

Life. I am lost for words.

ZHW is a bloody irritating thing. Let me knock some sense into her head. Selfish, arrogant, self-absorbed fella.

Bloody tired. And this is just the first day of the second week in school.

Pointing Fingers

YUP, don't point fingers and say that I didn't do it. You didn't do anything as well. And I couldn't do anything because you didn't send the proposal to me.

Quoting my friend "ok but like shouldn't he feel ashamed that it's cuz he never provide you with the proposal that's why u cant do?"

WHATEVER.

Guys

Guys like girls who flirt. They really do.

The man in my Dream

He broke my heart in my dream.