Bloody screwed up

You are such a bloody screwed up school with bloody screwed up people. With a screwed up system and screwed up directors and screwed up programmes. Basically, you have screwed up my life and screwed up your reputation. I am words away from saying the F word. Let me control myself first.

BLOODY SCREW YOU. GO SCREW YOURSELF. SCREW OFF. SCREW YOUR STAFF, SCREW YOUR STUDENTS, SCREW THE OFFICES, SCREW EVERYONE.

I am so disillusioned right now. You guys have made my day. I am crestfallen, I have never cried during these past few weeks of toture but just one email was enough for somebody who was emotionally stable to lose it. YES, I have lost it. I couldn't stop. As if my life isn't bloody horrible as it is. I should have gone away. As if the sorrow I have always felt all my life was not enough. IN THE END, JUSTICE NEVER PREVAILS. NEVER. Yes, I have seen enough of this world. Somebody, please just kill me. I have no wish to remain here anymore. Just kill me, end my suffering. KILL ME WITH SWIFT BLOWS, STABS, RUN ME OVER WITH A CAR. ANYTHING, just please help me end it. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel so let me see the one I am supposed to see before I cross over.

Doing it right

I can never do anything right.

Overworked

I think my comms presentation is going to be great! RS did a great great great job with the slides and the video and I was so wowed by it. This is like making me feel hopeful. I initially thought we were going to die because we only prepared for like less than two week. The idea only began to take shape like last week. Now, it's so bloody cool! That means I can still do it for the rest of my work.YES!!!

Now, I have to go and memorise my script and think about how to tie my hair for tomorrow.

Death beckons

I am such a coward, aren't I? I want to die so all my work can end.

Infatuation defined

Infatuation (noun):

1. a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.
2. an object of extravagant, short-lived passion.
3. temporary love of an adolescent.

Double dare me to face my obsession

Well, my dear SY, I can't! And I won't. That's why it's called infatuation! It's one-sided. I like that kind of bitter sweet feeling. I am in no position to confront him. HAHA.

Yes, I am currently happy with my infatuation. So, don't spoil it. It's so fun.

Continued

I am in TWC lesson now. I am so bloody bored. OK, there is this stupid girl who is using an A4 size paper and reading from it for her individual presentation. Now, is that dumb or what? Worse still, she presented before and our prof told us not to use cue cards etc as it shows that you haven't internalise. STUPID!

Ok, I am going to continue my story. ZM came in but obviously I didn't respond. What do you want me to do? SAY HI??? OK, when we reached the 2nd floor, he let SH and I out first. Haha. I think I have seen too many guys who rush out of the lift once the door opens. OK, so given my inculcated politeness, I said "Thank you" and I was quite surprised when he said "Welcome".

Totally think he damn cute. I totally get wobbly legs when I see gentlemanly guys. Haha. I swear my heart beat faster when we were in the lift. I could hear. Haha. OK, the feeling is back. I like the feeling. :)

High again

OK, I am high again. Haha.

Well, just now, SH and I were in the lift coming down from the 5th floor of library. I was having a bloody headache and the lift stopped at the 4th floor. I was thinking "Who the bloody hell is hindering me from getting to the 2nd floor?" Then, some random guy entered and guess who entered??? OK, ZM.

Well, now I am too frustrated to continue coz England are losing 2-1 to Russia!!!!!

Infatuation

This is so sad. That feeling lasted for like 5 hours. Came and went off swiftly.

I was totally infatuated with him due to his gentleman flair and suaveness. But now, I am so sad. I really don't know why I suddenly feel like this. The infatuation disappeared in a sudden flash.

SAD SAD SAD SAD SAD

I will always love you

Daddy, you have been in heaven for one year. I hope you are happy there. And I hope you will look down on us sometimes. And please don't forget us. I won't ever forget you. You are the best daddy I have ever had and will always have. I love you and I miss you all the time. I MISS YOU EVERYDAY.

Bloody thick-skinned

Nobody is going to make this advocate thing look like crap. Yes, I have been chosen as one of the 50 advocates for the ENTIRE school. Anything wrong with that? I am incredibly honoured and actually excited to do this. WHY? Through my whole bloody pathetic secondary and junior college school life, I was never given any opportunity to represent my school. I think it's because I had no achievements, results were absolutely unlookable and was also outshone by so many other people. But, look at this now! My university chose me to be an advocate and promote the school to the rest of the WORLD. Ok, I am exaggerating. Just to prospective students. Haha.

So please, don't tell me: "OH, I deleted all my mail!" Come on man, don't live in self denial. You didn't get it means you didn't get it. Obviously being a bloody scholar does not automatically give you a chance to be an advocate. YES, so please, stop it. I have gotten so tired and so disillusioned that I don't want to listen to anymore of your yakking. PLEASE, just stop it. It just gets on my nerves that you probably think you are better than me in all ways. I have not had the chance to express my views of you being such a slut and guy-attention seeker. You bloody slut. And yes, since the dean or associate dean of my school thinks I have the qualities that you apparently lack, kudos to me. You can go be a bloody civil servant after your pathetic 4 years here.

Yes, you might think. This mental person writing this is also living in self denial. NO, I live in self admiration. Yup. I do. I now admire myself for all my bloody qualities. And I am also convinced that I have the right to be proud. Nobody should or can put me down. Yes, like I say, not everything will go my way, but I will accept it.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA. I am really getting mental.

Living my life as a zombie

Actually, I love the school library. I really love it. It's so conducive. I actually study there.

I went to NTU on Monday to visit my beloved friends and yes, I still love them as much as before. You may be surprised. I am one who suppresses her emotions except for anger that is. But I realised that I miss my TJ friends so much. It seems so normal to be with them and for a few hours, I forgot about the bloody life I am leading now and wished so much that I could have my JC life back again. I never liked my JC and that hasn't really changed much but yes, my friends are SO NICE! Haha, I have decided to forget all the unhappy incidents.

I now hate all guys who are desperate, so desperate even though they are attached. Gosh, Please think of your other half. It's so disrespectful and unfair to them, you bastards. YES, THAT'S THE WORD. Please give me a chance to respect you too.

When I remember what I was going to complain about, then I will write. DAMN it, I am like getting Alzheimer's.

Yes, my life is sad

My life is really bloody sad. I am in the school library studying. :( Then after this, I have a meeting.

Tomorrow I have a project meeting in the morning with disgusting people. And I have not done what I am supposed to do for that project yet. I will rush it when I go back. Then I am studying in school again tomorrow. My life is full of studying. Or else I will lose out and cannot catch up. WHY? Why is everyone so competitive? This is so tiring.

But if I don't study in school, I won't study at home. I slacked one whole day away yesterday and I felt so guilty for not doing anything useful and substantial. Yes, I have become like this against my own will.

Bloody bloody bloody hell

I don't want to curse but I don't have a choice. I am so bloody embarrassed that I want to kill myself. It's like as if I am throwing myself at him. The problem is that I already tried my best to stop sending stuff already but the screwed up application/website just ignored my request when I clicked the button "Forget it". BLOODY HELL.

And I don't care but I am going to rant again. Bloody disgusting woman. It is all your bloody fault besides mine that I am dying from editing the report. All thanks to you who copied and pasted from Wikipedia. If it's other websites, I can still paraphrase and edit the report. Probably not with ease but without much difficulty. BUT WHAT THE BLOODY F*** WERE YOU THINKING? You should know better than to copy and paste from Wikipedia. OK, you argue that I was the one who gave you the website. SO?!?!?!?!!? Did I ask you to copy from there? I just told you that there is some relevant information on there for our project. U BLOODY BITCH!

Then what did you ask me to do? You told me to come up with a bloody 4 minutes script from a 12 page report in 15 minutes. Mission Impossible. And then you told me to stop playing my game. Just bloody F off. And who gave you the bloody right to glare at me when I had a 8 minutes script. It couldn't be helped. Don't expect something fantastic from some crap that you gave me. And why did you not allow me to edit my own script. You kept saying that you were damn tired but then why refuse to let me edit my own script? Bloody F.

Bloody hell. I should get started on editing the report now. And I clashed shirts with the same guy again. What the... I mean what other embarrassing things can I do? Seems like a lot. I mass sent my really ugly graffitti to everyone when I instructed the bloody website not to.

Horrible

Saturday was so bloody horrible coz I was harrassed by a BLACK at the busstop. And my mean mum scolded me for going home too late. I was doing work, ok!!!

This is so bloody boring. That P*** is like still getting on my nerves. Doing all sorts of things to make every other person in the group angry. And bloody HQ is like bloody slack. What kind of bloody TA is that?

I am so bloody sad that I cannot study in the UK. I so wanted to live a different life, something that I believe I have been yearning for. Going on exchange and touring the country is definitely still different from going there for like 3 years.

Barcelona won anyway. I love Barcelona. I love Barcelona. I love Barcelona.

Tri-touch meeting was very bloody boring today. I didn't have any proper ideas or suggestions. And am I really that bloody commited to doing this? I still don't like that bloody uncleish HL and the put on lots-of-makeup W. I must try and get along.