Disillusioned

Yup, there is no need to tell her. Just tell us. Coz she gets the information first hand from you? And yes, I am still bitter about losing out on the S-A-bloody-G-E post.

I am tired.
Tired of everything.
Tired of the pretences that I have to put on.
Tired of the fact that I can't seem to excel no matter how hard I try.
Tired of having to spend time getting into your good books.
Tired of not acting like a slut like her.
Tired of being normal.
Tired of not having a hidden agenda.
Tired of not being a hypocrite.
Tired of the way the world spins.

I am no attention seeker but once I become invisible, it gets to me. Gets to me hard.

I think I need to do some soul searching to find out whether I am responsible for my own demise.

Recently, I have been wanting to cry. But the tears, they don't fall out. I am not sure whether I am holding them in, or that they have run dry. Or maybe, crying over something like results and the pain I am enduring to make it through just makes me more despisable. Yea, I cannot cry. I should cry over death, not torture.