Disillusioned

Yup, there is no need to tell her. Just tell us. Coz she gets the information first hand from you? And yes, I am still bitter about losing out on the S-A-bloody-G-E post.

I am tired.
Tired of everything.
Tired of the pretences that I have to put on.
Tired of the fact that I can't seem to excel no matter how hard I try.
Tired of having to spend time getting into your good books.
Tired of not acting like a slut like her.
Tired of being normal.
Tired of not having a hidden agenda.
Tired of not being a hypocrite.
Tired of the way the world spins.

I am no attention seeker but once I become invisible, it gets to me. Gets to me hard.

I think I need to do some soul searching to find out whether I am responsible for my own demise.

Recently, I have been wanting to cry. But the tears, they don't fall out. I am not sure whether I am holding them in, or that they have run dry. Or maybe, crying over something like results and the pain I am enduring to make it through just makes me more despisable. Yea, I cannot cry. I should cry over death, not torture.

High time

I think it's high time I do something about everything. What's the point when I sit and brood about not having this and not having that? And looking envious. What's the bloody point?

Oh my, the amount of work I have is going to make me go bonkers. And here I am, not doing any work AGAIN.

Even "SHY-bloody-boi" seems to be having a more meaningful life. YUCKS.

Well

Some people are just full of hope. I am not saying that it is wrong to be full of hope but it is a self-indulgent behaviour. I am hopeful from time to time but I do not live on hope all the time. Let's be realistic. Most of the time, hope and luck is not going to get us anywhere in life.

Well, I finished my biz law presentation today. YEA!!! It seems that we are the best group so far. :) And I like my group. QH, M arcus, W esley, D esmond and C heryl are all very nice people to work with. OK, I have already known all along that QH is good to work with coz I have already done a project with her and she is from DHS. And surprisingly, the guys do their work. Now, for the bloody report that we have to hand up next week. Yucks.

Selfish

Being selfish is probably innate. I know everybody is busy and has their own work but well, nothing is ever going to get done if nobody cares. Enough said.

They Did it Again

They did it again. I am sure of it. They did it again.

When will I wake up from my fantasy? I think NOW.

Thank you all for waking me up. I appreciate it. Though your insincerity is heartfelt.

Comes to no good

My life is damn boring. Busy but boring. Never thought these two words could combine to form this extremely apt phrase to describe my life.

This sucks

I hate doing work and not given due credit for the work I have done. I hate people who make use of me to do work and then find out that I was doing some kind of free labour. I hate feeling unappreciated. I hate being treated like a second class citizen. I hate people who put on a front to mislead other people into believing it. I am full of newfound hatred.

If I ever get to talk to you truthfully, I will tell you that you are the source of all my newfound hatred. I really don't appreciate you making use of me (us) to do your work. Especially when I thought that I had to do it. I really put in a whole lot of effort to look up the things that you wanted. When I couldn't find the information you wanted, I looked for the next best alternative. And when I submitted it, you couldn't appreciate my effort, could you? You think she is the best, the one doing all the work, but please open your eyes. They are glued shut. And don't be rude to me. I can't stand it. What position are you in to be rude to me? The age gap of three years? Bloody ridiculous.

I really hate putting on a front. I really do.